Maybe one day there will be a full, "urban dictionary" for venture capitalists. Until then, I respectfully submit the following 7 terms with definitions for potential inclusion.
1. Dog BoyIt is said that one should know that when you see a car go by with a dog in the front passenger seat (head in or out), that the dog thinks he's driving. A dog boy is a management team member who isn't materially affecting the progression of the enterprise without any knowledge of this ineptitude. Usage as in,"Hey did you meet the C.O.O. at Acme Software? Seems like a complete dog boy". Submitted and included in Urban Dictionary
2. Fluffer
This is the local CEO that periodically and regularly spins up a VC into providing a term sheet for a financing that the CEO will not ultimately pursue to completion. Since both the CEO has a back-able deal and VC's don't make it known to whom they've provided Term Sheets, this can go on for some time. The CEO fluffs for reasons only known to him. As in "Did you hear that Super VC Partners put a term sheet down over at Rocketball? Yes, I am sure they did, but is it signed? That CEO is a total fluffer."
3. Goose ManIt is said that a goose wakes up every day in whole new universe. A goose man is someone who fails to recall previous agreements, verbal or written, and must be reacquainted with them upon each meeting or discussion. This is typically most dramatic as a tactic to change a something at the 11th hour. "I don't recall agreeing to that price, provision or term", he'll say, when is it the central tenet upon which the deal conversation proceeded from it onset."
Image by Muffet via Flickr
This is a CEO who hears good news or positive feedback when none is present. As in, "The CEO told me that they were going to close a huge deal at Cisco and I spoke to the guy over there at Cisco and he said that he might look at it, he might not look at it, he hadn't decided." Whatever the scenario these ears can hear encouragement, support, purchase intention or imminent good news. Urban Dictionary
5. Monkey Punch
When a CEO or management team attempts to change or "monkey" with previously agreed upon terms at a liquidity event or exit to make them more favorable to the CEO or management. "I know we agreed to the liquidation preference when you provided the critical financing as motivation in a time of greatest need/highest risk for you to take the risk, but now, we think it is unfair to profit so much." This is a tough one to take and always a hard hit without warning.5. Virtual Pass
The confirmation of a recently funded CEO that he neither met or spoke with the VC who just told you at a networking event that he passed on your deal. "Yeah, we met with them and didn't see the value. Glad you did it though." As time passes, and especially if the deal progresses well, the virtual pass tends to have "occurred" early and early in calendar time. So, "we didn't see the value" becomes "it was just to early when we saw it".
7. Wet Shoes
The mal-intentioned congratulations by competitive VC's on a closed deal. "Hey I looked at the deal, peed on its shoes, was it wet when you picked it up?" May also be used as in combination with a Virtual Pass. It is to be clear, it is that not only did they pass - virtually or otherwise -- but they really disliked it when they did so.
8. Faux Genius
The impossibly difficult admission by a competing VC that you did a great deal and your competence must be acknowledged in some way. They will say "We were talking about your deal and how well it is working out and asked each -- 'when did Don become such a genius?' -- I guess we all shouldn't have passed on it."
Great post Don. Hysterical and too true.
Posted by: Jonathan Aberman | March 19, 2010 at 04:08 PM
can i get a monkey as a pet in North America?
if i can get it from some asia countries, will there be anyproblem to
bring it back to canada?
Posted by: pancreatic abscess | April 20, 2010 at 05:52 PM
Yes, of course, you can get a monkey as a pet. Tell the Canadian Customs, I said OK.
Posted by: Don | May 06, 2010 at 04:49 PM